


Champagne Problems

by Daisy_space



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, New Relationship, Post-War, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28577016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_space/pseuds/Daisy_space
Summary: Taking place over 15 years we follow Remus Lupin and his grief after James and Lily die, and Sirius goes to Azkaban, set to the song "Champagne Problems" by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Champagne Problems

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Alcohol Abuse, Implied depression, Swearing
> 
> Also, this fic is generally sad so please don't read if you are not in the best mental state. You know yourself best, but please take care of yourself <3

_You booked the night train for a reason_

_So you could sit there in this hurt_

_Bustling crowds or silent sleepers_

_You’re not sure which is worse_

Remus sat at the back of the stuffy Godric’s Hollow church. His brown suit had been itchy at every other funeral he had worn it too, but this time he could barely feel the coarse fabric on his body. 

He wanted to cry, he wanted to sob for James and Lily, but it seemed over the last 4 days his tears had finally run out. All he could do was numbly stare ahead, barely paying attention to whoever was speaking. 

“James and Lily Potter were the bravest people I knew, they would sacrifice anything for anyone.” Remus felt anger pooling in his stomach, this person had no idea what they were talking about. Did he even know James and Lily? Who the fuck was this guy anyway? All these people in the crowded church, nodding along like they really knew James and Lily. They didn’t. Remus was the only one left that really knew them. Maybe Lily’s sister, Petunia, who was sitting stiffly in the front, looking highly disturbed by all these people in wizard robes. Remus craned his neck to see if Harry was with her, but he couldn’t tell. 

He shifted down in the pew more, glaring at all these people who had the audacity to pretend they knew James and Lily. Witches and Wizards dressed in black, patting handkerchiefs on dry eyes, just to have the bragging rights that they attended _the_ James and Lily Potter’s funeral. 

If Remus had been in a better state, maybe he would’ve spoken too, spoken the truth about Lily and James. They were brave, of course they were, but all this random person was doing was repeating the story of Halloween 1981, in a million different ways. They weren’t only brave. They were smart, kind, compassionate, loyal, powerful, funny, and _so good_ , and Remus was the only one left who knew this. 

After giving the overcrowded church one final glare, he got up and left. Stepping out into the crisp November air, and walked down the road. Which was eerily empty after being in that busy service for the last half hour.

_Because I dropped your hand while dancing_

_Left you out there standing_

_Crestfallen on the landing_

_Champagne problems_

Remus sat down on the bench across the road from James and Lily’s house, or what used to be James and Lily’s house. There was a sign on the front walk, with people leaving messages and flowers for ‘The Boy Who Lived’, Remus sighed at the sight of the destroyed house. 

He thought about all the wonderful nights spent there. The night Harry was born, getting drunk and celebrating their engagement, the calm night’s during the war, waiting for the people they loved to come home. The people they loved. _Sirius._

Sirius should’ve been by his side today, if Sirius had been there maybe Remus would’ve had the courage to get up and speak. If Sirius had been there to hold his hand Remus probably would’ve been able to sit through the entire service. Remus would’ve held Sirius’ hand back. _Hadn’t he always held Sirius’ hand?_

Then he had to remind himself the same thing he had been reminding himself for the last 4 days. Sirius is the reason they’re gone. _Sirius, his Sirius,_ betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort, Sirius killed Peter, Sirius left him to suffer through this pain all alone. 

_“Where did it go wrong, Padfoot?”_ Remus asked himself. Never in his life would Remus believe Sirius could betray all of them, never in his life would Remus have believed Sirius’ loyalties would lie with Voldemort all along. But there were a lot of things Remus never thought would happen, that happened.

Maybe he should’ve seen the signs? In those final weeks, had Remus not noticed Sirius was acting strange, more distant? Of course, he noticed those things, but he thought that it was merely the stress of the war. He even let the idea come into his mind that Sirius suspected _him_ to be the spy. But he never thought _this_. Maybe if he had paid closer attention James and Lily would still be here? 

_Your mom’s ring in your pocket_

_My picture in your wallet_

_Your heart was glass, I dropped it_

_Champagne problems_

“Happy Christmas Prongs and Lils.” Remus drunkenly toasted to the headstone in front of him then took a swig from his flask, he barely noticed the burn of the alcohol anymore as it ran down his throat. “It’s pretty shit without you,” He slurred, his voice echoing around the empty cemetery, “I haven’t got a tree, don’t see the point. Christmas was always Padfoot’s favourite, didn’t even get to give him his present.” Remus reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the simple silver ring, holding it up to the moonlight. “Suppose he would’ve liked it if he were here.” He looked back down at the tombstone, guilt rolling in his stomach reading their names, the few years they lived. 

“I’m sorry I still love him,” He said, feebly attempting to hold back a sob, tears rolling down his face. “It’s unforgivable what he did, but I can’t forget how much I love him. I _can’t_ forget that, it’s all I have left.” He continued crying, the cold night air was still, his voice sounded much too loud. “He’s the reason I lost you guys, and I still fucking love him!” He shouted into the night. “I still fucking love him so much it hurts! And _he’s_ the reason I lost you two! He’s the reason you’re gone, and I still love him! What’s wrong with me?!” Remus sobbed, clutching the silver ring in a tight fist. 

“Maybe I am the monster they always said I was?” Remus whispered. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you two. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what type of person he was. I hope you two can forgive me?” He said hoarsely, tears still rolling down his cheeks. He opened up his fist and looked at the ring sitting flat in his palm. He glared at it, hot tears rolling off of his cheeks landing on the band, making it shine more in the moonlight.

After taking one final look at the ring he was planning to propose to Sirius with, he clasped his hand around it, reeled his arm back and threw the ring as far as he could. He watched the silver glint in the moonlight, creating a perfect arc, before landing somewhere in the darkness. He looked once more at James and Lily’s grave, before turning away and leaving the small cemetery, never to return again. 

_You told your family for a reason_

_You couldn’t keep it in_

_Your sister splashed out on the bottle_

_Now no one’s celebrating_

Remus sat in the flat, a glass of whiskey in one hand, an open photo album in the other, he flipped through the pages, looking at Lily’s smiling eyes, James’ cheeky grin, Peter’s rosy cheeks, he avoided Sirius’ mesmerizing gaze. He turned the page, eyes falling on a picture of him and Lily in her kitchen, she was pressing a big kiss on his cheek, while he was nearly doubled over in laughter. Their cheeks were flushed, and he knew they had both been a little champagne drunk that night.

**August 1981**

“I’m going to propose to him,” Remus whispered to Lily who was standing next to him, leaning against the kitchen counter. Remus had his eyes on Sirius, who was playing with little Harry, watching him through the kitchen doorway.

“Really?” Lily asked, a smile glowing on her face. Suddenly she looked much younger, the war had really worn her down, worn all of them down. But it was times like these that reminded Remus they were only 21 years old. 

“Yeah, I think I’m going to ask on his birthday? Maybe Christmas? I haven’t got a ring yet, but I know that I want to marry him.” He said wistfully. 

Lily smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder, “I’m happy for you Remus.” Then her eyes brightened, “I’ve got a bottle of champagne! I think this calls for a celebration does it not?” She smirked, raising an eyebrow, as she retrieved an unopened bottle of champagne from the fridge.

“I suppose it does.” Remus laughed, as she poured him a glass.

“To love,” Lily toasted.

“To love.” 

The next day the Potter’s went under the Fidelius charm. 

**January 1982 (Present day)**

Remus closes the photo album, and tosses it next to him on the couch. He doesn’t bother wiping the tears away from his eyes. He takes another drink.

_Dom Perigon, you brought it_

_No crowd of friends applauded_

_Your hometown skeptics called it_

_“Champagne problems”_

“You want me to, what?” Remus looked dumbfounded at Dumbledore.

“I would like to offer you the position as Defense against the Dark Arts professor.” Dumbledore repeated. “You had quite the knack at the subject in your school days if I do remember correctly, and with Black on the run I think it would be wise to have someone who knew him so well to be there.”

Remus thought for a moment. This had been his dream when he was in school, he had never really voiced it out loud to anyone except Sirius. It had been a quiet night of sharing secrets when he let it slip. Dumbldore had explained how Snape would be providing him with wolfsbane potions, and Remus didn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t take the job, but _something,_ a little tiny voice in the back of his head was stopping him. 

“Ok,” He nodded, maybe against his better judgement. “I’ll take the job.” 

And as Remus went to bed that night, all he could think about was whether or not his friends would be proud of him. 

_You had a speech, you’re speechless_

_Love slipped beyond your reaches_

_I couldn’t give a reason_

_Champagne problems_

Remus sits in the last compartment on the Hogwarts express, he’s still exhausted from the full moon the previous night. He settled in on one of the benches, putting his suitcase on the luggage rack. It wasn’t the compartment the marauder’s would always sit in, but it looked the exact same. He wearily settled in the corner of the seat, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Children’s voices, and a cold chill awoke him, he looked around the compartment blearily. He could make out five figures. “Quiet!” He said hoarsely. He conjured some flames in his hand and looked around the compartment. _Merlin, how many kids are in here?_ He asked himself. But before he could make introductions a sixth figure entered the compartment. “Stay where you are,” He said to kids, as the large dementor slid into the compartment. 

“Go, none of us have Sirius Black hiding under our cloaks.” He said to the dementor, pointing his wand at it. It ignored him and breezed by. Then it attacked one of the kids. “Expecto Patronum.” He muttered, just low enough the students couldn’t hear. He ignored the guilty feeling in his stomach at the memory he had chosen. Still, after all these years the only memory that could produce a strong patronus was the day Sirius had confessed his love to him. It seemed that memory was the only one not tainted by his grief. 

A bright wolf shot out of the end of his wand, and moved so fast to take down the dementor Remus could barely tell what shape it took, he hoped none of the kids could make it out either. 

Now that the dementor was gone, the lights in the compartment flicked back on. He squinted against the bright light as he took in his surroundings. There was a redhead girl and boy, siblings perhaps? A girl with bushy brown hair and another boy clutching a toad, he looked very familiar, he just couldn’t quite place it. On the floor was another boy, the student the dementor attacked. Remus looked down at the boy, and stumbled back. It was James. Messy balck hair, glasses slightly askew, tanned skin, lanky frame, who else could it be but James Potter? 

James is dead, Remus reminded himself. But before he could inquire further the boy opened his eyes, brilliant emerald eyes stared around the compartment. Now it was undeniable who this boy was, no it was not James Potter, but someone just as special to Remus. It was Harry Potter, the boy who once called him ‘Moo-ey’, the boy that in another world would know him as, ‘Uncle Moony’ not ‘Professor Lupin’. This boy was all James Potter, but with his mother’s eyes. 

He had to look away from the boy, it was too much all at once. His eyes landed on the copy of the daily prophet, abandoned on the floor, on the cover was Sirius’ mugshot, he was laughing maniacally, screaming unheard words.

_Is this what you wanted Pads?_ Remus asked in his head. _Did you want your godson to be attacked because of you? Get the dementor’s to do the job for you? I can’t believe you Padfoot, how could you want to kill your own godson? James, Lily, and Peter were bad enough, but Harry? I can’t believe I once loved you- still love you._

Remus shook the thought out of his head, and turned back to the boy, still trying to get used to how much he looked like James. He reached into his pocket, and retrieved a chocolate bar, “It this,” He broke off a square and passed it to Harry, “You’ll feel better.”

_Your Midas touch on the chevy door_

_November flush and your flannel cure_

_“This dorm was once a madhouse”_

_I made a joke, “Well it’s made for me.”_

Remus sat in McGonagall’s office, it had been a long time since he sat here. It was odd not being in trouble, though in her presence Remus still felt like a 16 year old boy. 

“It is nice having you back after all these years,” McGonagall smiled, pouring him a cup of tea.

“It’s a nice change,” Remus nodded. He thought after all the time that has passed he would be able to handle being back at Hogwarts, he was mistaken. Around every corner was an old memory, behind every doorway was something once beautiful, now tainted by anger and grief. 

His mind wandered to that time he’d given Sirius one of his sweaters in 4th year because he was cold, Sirius had worn it to death, when they started dating Sirius would constantly steal his sweaters.

McGongall’s fond laugh snapped him out of his thoughts, thankfully. Dwelling over Sirius would certainly be the hill he died on. 

“Ah, when you boys were here the Gryffindor dorms were quite the madhouse,” She smiled.

“Well,” Remus let out a humorless laugh, “they were made for me.”

McGonagall’s smile dropped, and suddenly Remus wished he hadn’t said anything at all. She frowned sympathetically and patted his knee, “I hope you’re taking care of yourself Remus.” 

_Evergreen, our group of friends_

_Don’t think we’ll say that word again_

_And soon they’ll have the nerve to deck the_ _halls_

_That we once walked through_

Remus walked down the corridor, nostalgia filling his veins. A group of young Hufflepuff’s were laughing, chasing each other down the hall, an immature amount of jealousy sparked in Remus.

He thought about that time in first year, they ran down this corridor trying to escape filch. Or in second year Sirius had found Remus hiding behind that tapestry after the marauders told him they knew he was a werewolf. In sixth year him and Remus had snuck into this corridor together to have some alone time, since they weren’t out to Prongs and Wormtail yet. In their seventh year they had walked down this corridor, all four of them, ready to pull off their final prank.

He missed those days dearly, he just wanted them back. He wanted _his_ Sirius back, not just this mass murderer he barely recognized. _Some things just weren’t meant to last forever_ , he supposes.

_One for the money, two for the show_

_I never was ready so I watched you go_

“Do you have any idea how he got in, Remus?” Dumbledore asked, as they stood in front of the torn-up portrait of the fat lady.

“No idea,” Remus said, hoping the lie wasn’t obvious as he reached a shaky hand up to the portrait, and ran his hand down the tear.

He could feel Dumbledore watching him closely, “Are you sure you don’t know?” Dumbledore plored, “You knew him best.”

Remus grimaced, he turned and faced Dumbledore, “I have no idea.” He repeated, looking him straight in the eye. 

_Sometimes you just don’t know the answer_

_Till someone’s on their knees and asks you_

He would never forgive Sirius, that's what he always said, but now sitting before him, on the dusty shrieking shack floor was not his Sirius Black, but a complete stranger. His face was gaunt, his hair matted, his teeth yellow, but he still had Sirius’ piercing grey eyes. That was the only sign his Sirius was still around.

“Where is he, Sirius?” Remus asked, trying to suppress the love out of his voice. He always imagined what he would do when he saw Sirius again. He imagined screaming and shouting, he never would’ve imagined him trying to suppress his love. Never would’ve imagined Sirius might not be as guilty as he once believed.

Sirius pointed a shaky hand to Ron’s rat, the pieces slowly falling into place, “But then,” He looked deep into Sirius’ eyes, he’d always been good at getting a read on Sirius. The one place Sirius could never hide his emotions in was his eyes, “Why hasn’t he shown himself before now? Unless,” Sirius looked at him pleadingly, and the missing piece clicked, _it was never Sirius._ “Unless _he_ was the one...unless you switched...without telling me?” 

Sirius nodded, his face looked sullen, but his eyes were saying _‘Please forgive me Remus?’_

And Remus didn’t know what coursed through his mind, he had always said he would never forgive Sirius Black, but somehow he could. He found it the easiest thing he’s ever done. He held his hand out to Sirius, who took it, and they embraced like lovers do. 

_“She would’ve made such a lovely bride,_

_What a shame she’s fucked in the head;” they_ _said_

_But you’ll find the real thing instead_

_She’ll patch up your tapestry, that I shred_

“I love this song!” Tonks squealed, jumping off of the sofa, their papers for the Order falling on the floor. “C’mon Remus, lets dance!” She took his hands in hers and tried to pull him off of the sofa.

“I don’t dance,” He tried pulling his hands away.

“C’mon, please,” She pouted.

“No,” He laughed, bending down to pick up the papers she knocked to the floor. She shrugged and moved to the centre of the room and began dancing. He smiled at her as she swayed her hips.

He felt guilty all over again, and looked back at his paper. He didn’t owe Sirius anything, they weren’t in a relationship pre se, to be honest they hadn’t discussed it. Sirius’ mental health was all over the place, Remsu tried to help the best he could, but it was taxing on him as well. _Maybe a dance with Tonks would help clear his head?_

He put the papers to the side and got up off the couch, swinging to the music. 

“That’s the spirit Remus!” Tonks laughed, taking his hands, as he spun her around. They danced and danced so much he hadn’t kept track of time. 

A slower intimate song came on, and somehow they ended in a close slow dance, holding onto each other's shoulders, looking dreamily into each other’s eyes. Tonks had beautiful Violet eyes, Remus noticed. They complimented her pink hair and cropped leather jacket nicely. Tonks seemed like such an unstoppable force, he couldn’t deny he could easily fall for her. 

But there was Sirius, always lingering in the back of his mind. Sirius who he’s loved since he was 16. Sirius who he waited 12 years for. The same Sirius who was hurting him now. 

When he was with Tonks he felt free. He felt like he could dance, laugh, talk about serious things, and the not-so-serious. He’d once felt like that with Sirius, but not anymore. Not since Azkaban. He knew what the dementor’s did was awful, but being with Sirius hurt him. Tonks didn’t hurt him. He thought about something Lily had said to him a long time ago, about making himself the priority, not Sirius. _Maybe he should take a page of her advice? She was normally right._

So, for the first time in 14 years Remus did something for himself, he leaned forward and kissed Tonks.

Little did he know, Sirius had watched it all from the doorway.

_And hold your hand while dancing_

_Never leave you standing_

_Crestfallen on the landing_

_With champagne problems_

Sirius was gone. Forever. He wasn’t locked up in some prison. He wasn’t on the run. He was gone. Left from Remus’ life, _from the world,_ forever. 

Maybe he should’ve been there with Sirius, even if it hurt himself? Why did he indulge himself, believe he could be in love with Tonks? Sirius, _his Sirius_ , the Sirius he’s always loved, the Sirius who he waited 12 years for, needed him, and he couldn’t even provide him that. Now Sirius was dead. 

He would never hear his bark-like laugh again. Never see his cheeky smile, or wake up to his mesmerizing gaze. Remus was completely alone. Alone again. He never thought he would feel loneliness worse than when James and Lily died, Sirius their betrayer. But he had been proven wrong, once again. He had never felt so alone, so empty, so tired. It seemed Remus Lupin was destined to a life of loneliness.

Then one day a knock sounded on his door, and Remus opened it to find Tonks looking up at him. Her hair wasn’t it’s usual pink crop. Rather, it was mousy brown, stringy, and shoulder length. She still looked beautiful. 

“Tonks?” He asked in a hoarse voice. The next thing he knew Tonks was up on her toes hugging Remus tight. Remus leaned into her, holding her as well. She felt good in his arms, not the same as Sirius, but still nice. She was small, softer, he felt like he had to be more delicate with her, which was madness, Tonks was the least delicate woman he knew. She felt safe and secure.

“I’m here for you Remus. Take all the time you need.” She murmured into his shoulder. And that’s when Remus realized he would never be truly alone again.

_Your mom’s ring in your pocket_

_Her picture in your wallet_

Remus walked through the welsh meadow hand in hand with Tonks. The war was in full force, in two weeks they would be extracting Harry from the Dursleys, Remus and Tonks were two of the most wanted Order members. It felt wrong to be this happy. Remus can’t remember feeling this happy in a very long time. But that’s what Tonks did, she made him happy.

He was a bit apprehensive about their relationship at first, he just lost Sirius, even if they hadn’t been at their best he still loved him so much. Tonks was far younger than him, by being with him she would be shunned. But she didn’t care about any of that, she clearly loved him. So, even if they had only been dating for 3 weeks, he knew he wanted to marry her. There was a war going on, no time to waste. 

So they stopped to look out over the meadow, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his mother's engagement ring, given to him when she passed. He knelt down on one knee, and asked;

“Dora, will you marry me?” 

She said yes.

_You won’t remember all my champagne_ _problems_

Sirius watched Remus get down on one knee. Watched Tonks beam in elation as she screamed _‘Yes!’_ , then proceeded to toss her arms around Remus’ neck and kiss him passionately. She was so small that she matched Remus' height when he was knelt down. 

Sirius frowned, he was happy for Remus, all he ever wished for was Remus’ happiness, this was bittersweet. He just hoped Remus wouldn’t forget him, wouldn’t forget the love they once shared. 

A firm hand was placed on his shoulder, and he turned around to see James’ much too-young face smiling at him. 

“I don’t want him to forget me, Prongs.” Sirius said, hopelessly.

James squeezed his shoulder, “If there’s one person Remus Lupin couldn’t forget about, it’s you Pads.” Sirius nodded, then James pulled him along to where Lily was watching Harry.

Sirius took one last look back at Remus and Tonks, in their bubble of happiness, then carried forward. Leaving the two young lovers to their private moment.

_You won’t remember all my champagne_ _problems._

**Author's Note:**

> Song: "Champagne Problems" By Taylor Swift


End file.
